I ate broccoli, for the first time in my life, a week ago. Well, I’ve had broccoli in my health drinks before; I’m very into Naked Juice’s Superfood type drinks, because I’ve never been a vegetable person. But no, I mean last week I had the little trees of broccoli. I don’t know what you people call them. The bushy parts with the little stem/trunk things? Yeah. I had a whole bunch of them with dinner on Easter. There was cauliflower involved too, not even sure if that’s how to spell that one. I don’t even know what the difference is between the two. Cauliflower pretty much tastes the same but looks like albino broccoli, slightly fatter albino broccoli perhaps? I’m 28 years old, by the way. I remember when I was 21, and I was telling friends about how I’d just eaten my first strawberry… people pretty much shit themselves over that one.
But I kind of like this phenomenon. The whole… “pacing myself” thing. Maybe when I’m 33, I’ll eat some avocados. Then when I reach 39, I can have a plum. From there, who knows?!
Anyway, the broccoli was okay. I think now I’ll be comfortable ordering some broccoli-type items when I have Chinese food in the future. All that comes to mind is sesame chicken, but yes. That sounds okay.
I’m getting older, and trying to get healthier. I feel it’s becoming unreasonable to subsist off of bananas and cheetos and bagels and the like. Doctors are telling me my liver is pretty fucked, so I have to change my diet. Can you believe they don’t even want me to drink alcohol anymore? No. No no no. I’ve been a non-drinker for a couple years now, and I’ve been missing it lately. And now that I’ve finally caught the bug again, and I’m enjoying some whiskey and beer… NOW the stupid doctors are gonna tell me to lay off? Fuck that. So that’s why. Broccoli happens. I figure if I eat some broccoli sometimes, I can do a little heavy drinking sometimes too.
I’m a reasonable man. Get off my case.