“Paging Doctor Faggot.”

I recently overhauled all of the sound options on my phone because the ringers I was using were barely audible and highly irritating. I have a cheap phon, and therefore– slim pickin’s. But since the change, things have been a little less rage-inducing.

Until today. When the phone rang the raunchiest booty-call ringtone you could imagine. Think: En Vogue or Brian McKnight type shit. Eww. I do not know how this happened, as I certainly would never select such a slutty-sounding ringer, not even for the sluttiest of my friends. But it happened, and I was immediately uncomfortable. When I picked up the phone, it was (the only person in this world want to bang less than Oprah) my f!cking creepy-ass doctor!

I won’t say his actual name, but I generally call him The Nutty Professor. Because he’s a retard. Everytime I see him, and try and tell him about my rheumatoid arthritis (which is the only reason I went to him in the first place a couple months ago), he wants to talk about my damn liver. I think it’s just an excuse to rub up on my hairy belly (not to mention the grin he was wearing last time I had a physical and showed him my junk… he was clearly impressed and possibly salivating). But now with this booty-call ringtone, I am sick to my stomach, and involuntarily imagining a sweet late-night romance with Doctor Tardface. My day was officially ruined.

But then he said my recent bloodwork shows that my liver is doing much better! So I guess that makes my all disgust just a little bit closer to being worth it.

I’m off to change my ringtones again…

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About R. Spacely

Bastard.
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