Shake Hands With Danger.

I think part of the problem is that, in the throes of my insanity, I am truly absent-minded. Not because I don’t think, but because I overthink and therefore spread myself really thin. For instance, I have bubble-flooded the dishwasher at least 6 times in my life. By way of using regular dish-soap instead of “dishwasher detergent.” This doesn’t happen because I’m an idiot, it happens because somewhere deep down inside, I just know there’s a happy medium as far as the amount of soap I can get away with using. I’ve not found the happy medium yet. I flooded the kitchen with bubbles again yesterday.

Today, things are worse. I know I’m not supposed to smoke cigarettes when I’m on the toilet. But I can’t help it sometimes. Anyway, there’s that space there: the one between my two legs, my junk, and the rim of the toilet seat? Yes, that’s where all the stuff goes. If I blow my nose on the can, I throw the dirty tissue down in that little crevasse. Makes sense to me. When I’m smoking on the bowl, this is also where my ashes and cigarette butts go. I’m careful usually. But things are difficult for me sometimes; I’m busy thinking about the day, I’m distracted by noises outside, could be anything really but my point is… I’m not always paying attention. Today is one of those days. I burned the tip of my penis with my cigarette, the cigarette then fell to the side and got wedged between my leg and my left testicle, and proceeded to singe a good 15% of my pubic hair. This is bad news. It’s in a place where walking is now very painful, and I think there is a blister developing on my dick. The worst part about this is that it’s happened before and I know it’ll happen again.

You know what? Maybe I am an idiot afterall. If I were reading this post objectively, I’d say to myself, “this guys is gross and kind of a retard.” I think maybe that’s something else this wordpress blog thing can help me work on: tracking my indirect idiocy and hopefully, eventually, rectifying it.


About R. Spacely

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2 Responses to Shake Hands With Danger.

  1. This was disturbing and quite amusing.

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