1, 2, Freddy’s coming for you.

Why why why why why why WHY do they keep doing this? With the stupid remakes of films that simply did not happen long enough ago to warrant a “re-imagining” or a “re-invention.” These two words are slang for “soulless project that’s put together by money-hungry vultures who feel the need to pick the bones off the bodies before the bodies are even all the way dead.”

I grew up with Freddy Krueger. And no, I’m not that fucking old. I just don’t get it. You know what? Disney. Remember back in the 80s, when Disney would just decide to just re-release their films? Like, “oh. Now you can go see Peter Pan in a theater near you,” even though Peter Pan came out 600 years ago. THAT is what they should do if they want to “share the magic with a whole new audience” or whatever crap they’re spewing.

Watch out, fool! This little fella is gonna kill you in yr sleep.

AND!! This new Nightmare movie is going to be directed by Samuel Bayer (of cheesy, cock-rock music video-making fame) and produced by none other than Michael “let’s blow some shit up for no apparent reason” Bay. And the dude who’s now playing Freddy is that little pipsqueak guy who played Rorschach in Watchmen. Dude is like 4 foot 11 with heels on, and weighs 106 lbs. And this is supposedly the monster that’s going to keep me awake at night?

No no. No. NO!! No.

I just don’t get it. And people are gonna eat this shit up, just like they always do.

Whatever. I’m calling it right now: The only good thing about this film will be the inherent irony that comes with it. For a film about a guy who scares people into becoming delirious insomniacs, by way of murdering them in their sleep/dreams, well I think it’s going to hilarious when nobody can be bothered to stay awake for the duration of this giant shitfest of a movie.


About R. Spacely

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