Siobhan Magnus is too sexy.

It’s true. That’s why the only good thing to ever happen on American Idol, Siobhan Magnus, has been voted off. America isn’t ready for the fact that weird is the new thing to be. And weird is sexy. I mean, she’s a 19-year-old semi-retarded glassblower from Bumfuck Massachusetts who actually says things like, “wicked awesome!” She wears big, dark-rimmed glasses like all the hipsters, except Siobhan’s are fucking ugly and very uncool. Her clothes in general are atrocious, and usually all of her ensembles include moon-boots and bride-of-frankenstein hair. She has admitted to some of her musical influences being Janis Joplin, Billie Holiday, Lauryn Hill, Stevie Wonder, David Bowie. This is not normal for contestants on this TV show, or any show like it. She is just weird weird weird, and lame-ass America isn’t ready for that.

On the American Idol website, they have little Q&A bits for all the contestants. Here are some I’ve learned from reading these Q’s and A’s. If she could meet any person in the world, it would be Courtney Love. If she had 24 hours to do anything she wanted, she’d take care of her family and then quickly “go shoot a cameo in a horror film.” She was a founding member of the Barnstable High School Bocce Team. She likes “to do special effects make-up like fake blood and latex,” and she speaks “jibberish and ubby dubby (which is apparently a whole language she made up, Tolkien-on-acid style).” Her favorite bands are Hole… and.. Hanson. Yes, MMMBop Hanson.

Anyway. I’m a fan of Miss Magnus, and sad to see her go. She is, to this date, the only person on a game/reality show (Idol, America’s Got Talent, The Gong Show, those kinds of shows) to ever actually enchant me. She was just way too odd to take my eyes and ears off of. If you want brutal honesty, I got a boner when I heard her sing House of the Rising Sun in one of the earlier episodes. Clay fuckin’ Aiken never did that to me!

So I’m hoping that some cosmic karmic thing will have this short essay reach her eyes (and hoping she will forgive all my remarks about bad hair and being a little retarded), and she will email me back to inform that she’s decided she has no other choice but to spend the rest of her life in bed with me (and Jayma Mays, of course). Eating tofu, doing math, painting toe-nails, and listening to The Spice Girls… enjoying our very own little slice of this new weird america.


About R. Spacely

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5 Responses to Siobhan Magnus is too sexy.

  1. sayitinasong says:

    lol… you do have a point there re: Siobhan, don’t think America is ready! Good post!

  2. TheStepster says:

    I’m so upset about this too. America just don’t know how to vote. This season is so beyond dull, and the colourful person has to go. Lousy.

  3. risha; says:

    Switch the Spice Girls for something not out of my horrible childhood phase, switch her for the male version of her (hello boys, where are you?), and maths for English Lit and you have my dream scenario.

    But y’know, Spice Girls, maths and Siobhan are pretty cool too. ;)

  4. Holly says:

    Sexy ? Looks really ordinary

  5. christmasboy says:

    You know a girl is too sexy when a female makes it a point to leave a catty comment. The wives are the ones who vote on American Idol so what do you expect. They’re jealous of their husbands sudden interest in this usually dull singing competition.
    BTW Siobhan is actually a very intelligent and very talented person in real life. And yeah, she’s weird in a good way and too sexy for me too, I get turned on whenever she “screams” and “growls” during her performances. I thought she was the only one who actually PERFORMED during the Idol Tour.

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