This used to be a long stupid dramatic post about my ex-girlfriend. But in the name of not being a cock, and genuinely having no interest in more drama, that stuff’s all gone now. I will however leave the last part because it was addressed to the readers of this blog:
TO MY 3 READERS:
Let me be very clear, alright? These are all facts that I have never tried to hide: I’m kind of an asshole, I’m kind of a lunatic, I definitely suck at writing, I sometimes embellish unimportant facts for dramatic effect, I’ve had about 70 jobs in the last 12 years because I’m sometimes terrified of getting out of bed, and I’ve pretty much been a child for my entire life. Oh yes, and this particular ex was a Catholic angel before she met me… so anything that’s wrong with her can be pretty much directly blamed on me.
Also, dear readers. I want you to know that writing this post was a fun and cathartic experience. If you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, please don’t. Instead, feel free to have a laugh. Post a funny comment about your shitty ex. Or make an astute observation about how you’ve always known I’m a waste of oxygen. Because, while I totally just spazzed out and probably shouldn’t have written any of this, I am now sitting here laughing at it all.
Good? We’re going to make this a place where people can come tell me ridiculous stories about exes. Because they’re good things to hear about.