My ex is being a dick. What’s yours doing?

This used to be a long stupid dramatic post about my ex-girlfriend. But in the name of not being a cock, and genuinely having no interest in more drama, that stuff’s all gone now. I will however leave the last part because it was addressed to the readers of this blog:

TO MY 3 READERS:
Let me be very clear, alright? These are all facts that I have never tried to hide: I’m kind of an asshole, I’m kind of a lunatic, I definitely suck at writing, I sometimes embellish unimportant facts for dramatic effect, I’ve had about 70 jobs in the last 12 years because I’m sometimes terrified of getting out of bed, and I’ve pretty much been a child for my entire life. Oh yes, and this particular ex was a Catholic angel before she met me… so anything that’s wrong with her can be pretty much directly blamed on me.
Also, dear readers. I want you to know that writing this post was a fun and cathartic experience. If you’re feeling uncomfortable right now, please don’t. Instead, feel free to have a laugh. Post a funny comment about your shitty ex. Or make an astute observation about how you’ve always known I’m a waste of oxygen. Because, while I totally just spazzed out and probably shouldn’t have written any of this, I am now sitting here laughing at it all.

Good? We’re going to make this a place where people can come tell me ridiculous stories about exes. Because they’re good things to hear about.

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About R. Spacely

Bastard.
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8 Responses to My ex is being a dick. What’s yours doing?

  1. greentigress says:

    I’m a new reader, so I do think you’re pretty cool. Sorry if I’m disillusioned. And maybe I’ll have to discover your blog full of lies and shitty writing. Because so far, I’m not feeling it.

    Sorry if I’ve inflated the number to four…

  2. risha; says:

    Hole. Seriously?

    I’m not laughing, I swear.

    She wrote that on a forum? Lady, get a blog. It’s more fun. Honestly. On a blog, nobody can legitimately call you an attention-seeking whore; as you know.. it’s your fucking blog and everything. You get to make shit up too. It’s pretty cool.

    Also, Robert, you should definitely start a monthly ‘my crazy ex’ post so everyone can bitch about their exes. It’ll be funny, I’m sure. Maybe slightly whiny; but a bottle of tequila and it’s no longer upsetting… just fucking hilarious.

    One of my ex-boyfriends (yeah, I’m easy like that) once threw this massive party: way too much alcohol and no self-control. I was sitting around talking to this one bloke who was a friend of a friend, and the ex walks over; completely shit faced and starts waving his dad’s gun around and yelling at this poor, confused, terrified guy. And I quote, “I’ll bust a cap in your arse”. There is nothing funnier than a German guy saying something like that. Well, nothing funnier in hindsight anyway. So I dumped him and his gun-toting self. Apart from texting me utter nonsense and generally pissing me off, he left envelopes of cut-up photographs of us in my postbox. Everyday for six months.

    Yeahhh, people are fucking insane.

    Also. As one of the three readers of your blog, you are pretty rad. Even if you’re going grey and collect strange things like fortune cookie fortunes in your wallet.

  3. jaminicole says:

    I appreciate girls like your ex because they make me feel totally awesome and completely sane.

    That being said, shit, dude. Change yo’ numba.

    And you can self deprecate all you want, I still think you’re pretty awesome.

    I’m really glad I don’t have any crazy ex stories.

  4. I’d share my ex stories, but they all happened while we were still together…. and they’re not very funny. In fact, they’re all really serious and pretty tragically sad. So… I won’t share them. Plus, there’s still a soft spot with this most recent ex, so I’ll not go there.

    Its still fresh, man! But I know that he does read my blog, I know that he was really upset when I deleted my myspace and any other way to track me. I know this because his sister is still my friend.

    Sometimes its nice to know they still want to see what you’re up to… but its the most convenient when they do it quietly. I admit that if he had a facebook or something, I’d probably spy here and there.

    But that said, I’ll leave it at this.
    Being with him was like trying to play a Rubick’s cube… without all the pieces…and pieces that change. No one ever wins, and eventually, everyone gets violently frustrated.

    Part of my wants to play Devil’s Advocate for your ex… But I don’t know either of you, and I know that relationships are horribly messy for the most part. So what I do is I pack up my car and I run away. I do it a lot. Its pretty awesome. Maybe its time for you to do the same. There’s a warm place over here on the West Coast for whenever you’re ready. Its a basement with a woodstove and wired for recording. Its not that pretty…but dammit…. it is what it is.

    xo
    TB

  5. suki says:

    Sounds like she has some issues of her own to deal with. Block her calls! PS – I’m supposed to be sending you a post at some point. How do I get in touch? :)

  6. thisoneguy says:

    you’re not a bad writer at all.

  7. Holly says:

    It seems like you find your insensitivity and lack of awareness cool

    That’s really stuffy somehow

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