I was going to avoid this post, but fuck it. It’s after midnight. I’m rolling on a few painkillers and a few beers. Yes, I’m concerned that most of my readers seem to be women, and I don’t wish to offend. And I’m also concerned that certain people are reading my blog whether I know about or not, and whether I like it or not. And I also really hate trying to sound cooler than I am, but I swear on all that’s holy to me: that is not what this is about. Some things just need to be talked out. Because that’s how I work.
So. This time last night, I was having the best sex I’ve had in years. It was cute and sensitive at times, and it was a bit rough and fun at other times. I think, hopefully I’m not the only one to feel this way, that it was all feeling pretty passionate. And my god, it was a glorious fit. I mean, as a guy, sometimes you put your cock in places that just don’t work right. Not a problem last night. I could’ve slept soundly and safely and snuggly and happily inside of this girl.
This is where I get uncomfortable but, again, if I’m getting in the water, I’m going to dive into the deep end. This girl had the most beautiful vagina I’ve ever seen/felt up close. It was fucking outrageous. Small but luscious all at once. Symmetrical. Supple. Inviting. Shockingly, and this happened after she spent a long (and hot and humid like June in New York always is) day at work, and we had already done a fair amount of fucking, I eventually went down on her, way deep into the evening, and she still managed to taste like a fucking angel. Sometimes, the prettiest of pussies will go all kinds of sour after a good hour of sexing. But not this one. It was a revelation to me.
As far as “going downtown,” this fucking girl knows voodoo or something. I was twitching at one point. Haha, no, I’m speaking seriously!
And all the stuff I was thinking/worrying about eventually falling in love with her, no. All gone. Not all gone but… I don’t know. I’m not worried. I mean, she’s so so so beautiful. And talented and versatile and complicated and kind and empathetic and just… too many lovely qualities to count. But fuck love, man. If it happens with us someday, okay. But I am genuinely happy and content with a good friendship that maybe involves mind-blowing sex from time to time. She’s fun and has a goofy teddy-bear laugh and smokes a lot of pot and watches good movies and whatever whatever whatever. She respects porn stars but detests strippers, and backs it up with solid logic that is hard to disagree with. And last night, she revealed to her roommate that she kinda really likes driving by a cow pasture and smelling the earthy smell of cow shit. My point is that it would obviously be very easy for me to fall in love with this odd little thing. But why go and fuck it all up with intensity and earnestness and all of that? It’s a beautiful thing the way it is. It feels safe. She makes me (and lets me) feel good. And I really hope I am doing the same for her.
A few times (whilst doing what we were doing) I stared right into her eyes and thought I was looking at the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. These fucking eyes are like beacons in the night, helping long-lost sailors to finally come home. I can’t even really articulate it, but I wish I could. This girl has got something. And I don’t know if it’s me or what. I’m not convinced that everybody could have the same experience. But I see something in her that I’ve never seen outside of my best dreams.
We woke up fairly early this morning for round two (or three or four, depending on whatever your particular house-rules may be, I’m not sure?). And it was quicker because we have jobs and stuff but. But that’s another thing. Every time we spend the night together, it seems like neither of us wants it to ever end. I’ve never felt that way with anyone. It’s weird. Really weird. I hate cuddling, I hate holding on, it’s always felt like a chore. But it’s different with her. I never want to let go.
But, yeah, I had this revelation today that there’s no need for “love” and/or “a relationship” and all that, to be able to fully enjoy this. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m really trying for this whole “grow the fuck up, asshole” thing lately. And I think this is part of it. Have fun, connect, be cute, fuck like bunnies, hug each other, be supportive, make fun of each other, enjoy things together… all of these things can be done and cherished without any big commitments or promises or titles. You know?
Anyways, moving on, finishing up…
Today I sent her a text message informing her that I wanna eat her ass. I got a sincere “lol” out of it, but I wasn’t kidding. I love ass. I do. I love hers. It’s very round and spankable and pretty and personable.
God. I need to say that the only reason I’ve been able to write this much is by SWEARING to myself that no one else is ever going to read this. And the pills (maybe? although that was a while ago now) and the beers (we’re on number 7 now, in an hour and a half maybe? going down like water) are helping. I feel so guilty. But not really. Only kinda.
Whatever, I’m done for now. I may very well pick this rant up again at a later date. I just may. It may become difficult at some point (starting, say, a half hour ago?) to NOT write a bunch of nice things about Miss Ginny. Because she’s great, and she’s kind of a large part of what’s been happening in my life lately. But I promise I’ll do my best to not sound disrespectful, and I will do my best to avoid sappiness.
Truth, humour, oft-overlooked details, and the rare poetic moment.
That’s what we’re about here at Stir-Fried. Except for the times where that’s not at all what we’re about.
And here’s this rad Aqueduct video. Because I miss this band. And I’ve been obsessively listening again these past few weeks. Enjoy: