Ballerina tights around my head in a samurai pose on the bed.

I was going to avoid this post, but fuck it. It’s after midnight. I’m rolling on a few painkillers and a few beers. Yes, I’m concerned that most of my readers seem to be women, and I don’t wish to offend. And I’m also concerned that certain people are reading my blog whether I know about or not, and whether I like it or not. And I also really hate trying to sound cooler than I am, but I swear on all that’s holy to me: that is not what this is about. Some things just need to be talked out. Because that’s how I work.

So. This time last night, I was having the best sex I’ve had in years. It was cute and sensitive at times, and it was a bit rough and fun at other times. I think, hopefully I’m not the only one to feel this way, that it was all feeling pretty passionate. And my god, it was a glorious fit. I mean, as a guy, sometimes you put your cock in places that just don’t work right. Not a problem last night. I could’ve slept soundly and safely and snuggly and happily inside of this girl.

This is where I get uncomfortable but, again, if I’m getting in the water, I’m going to dive into the deep end. This girl had the most beautiful vagina I’ve ever seen/felt up close. It was fucking outrageous. Small but luscious all at once. Symmetrical. Supple. Inviting. Shockingly, and this happened after she spent a long (and hot and humid like June in New York always is) day at work, and we had already done a fair amount of fucking, I eventually went down on her, way deep into the evening, and she still managed to taste like a fucking angel. Sometimes, the prettiest of pussies will go all kinds of sour after a good hour of sexing. But not this one. It was a revelation to me.

As far as “going downtown,” this fucking girl knows voodoo or something. I was twitching at one point. Haha, no, I’m speaking seriously!

And all the stuff I was thinking/worrying about eventually falling in love with her, no. All gone. Not all gone but… I don’t know. I’m not worried. I mean, she’s so so so beautiful. And talented and versatile and complicated and kind and empathetic and just… too many lovely qualities to count. But fuck love, man. If it happens with us someday, okay. But I am genuinely happy and content with a good friendship that maybe involves mind-blowing sex from time to time. She’s fun and has a goofy teddy-bear laugh and smokes a lot of pot and watches good movies and whatever whatever whatever. She respects porn stars but detests strippers, and backs it up with solid logic that is hard to disagree with. And last night, she revealed to her roommate that she kinda really likes driving by a cow pasture and smelling the earthy smell of cow shit. My point is that it would obviously be very easy for me to fall in love with this odd little thing. But why go and fuck it all up with intensity and earnestness and all of that? It’s a beautiful thing the way it is. It feels safe. She makes me (and lets me) feel good. And I really hope I am doing the same for her.

A few times (whilst doing what we were doing) I stared right into her eyes and thought I was looking at the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. These fucking eyes are like beacons in the night, helping long-lost sailors to finally come home. I can’t even really articulate it, but I wish I could. This girl has got something. And I don’t know if it’s me or what. I’m not convinced that everybody could have the same experience. But I see something in her that I’ve never seen outside of my best dreams.

We woke up fairly early this morning for round two (or three or four, depending on whatever your particular house-rules may be, I’m not sure?). And it was quicker because we have jobs and stuff but. But that’s another thing. Every time we spend the night together, it seems like neither of us wants it to ever end. I’ve never felt that way with anyone. It’s weird. Really weird. I hate cuddling, I hate holding on, it’s always felt like a chore. But it’s different with her. I never want to let go.

But, yeah, I had this revelation today that there’s no need for “love” and/or “a relationship” and all that, to be able to fully enjoy this. In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m really trying for this whole “grow the fuck up, asshole” thing lately. And I think this is part of it. Have fun, connect, be cute, fuck like bunnies, hug each other, be supportive, make fun of each other, enjoy things together… all of these things can be done and cherished without any big commitments or promises or titles. You know?

Anyways, moving on, finishing up…

Today I sent her a text message informing her that I wanna eat her ass. I got a sincere “lol” out of it, but I wasn’t kidding. I love ass. I do. I love hers. It’s very round and spankable and pretty and personable.

God. I need to say that the only reason I’ve been able to write this much is by SWEARING to myself that no one else is ever going to read this. And the pills (maybe? although that was a while ago now) and the beers (we’re on number 7 now, in an hour and a half maybe? going down like water) are helping. I feel so guilty. But not really. Only kinda.

Whatever, I’m done for now. I may very well pick this rant up again at a later date. I just may. It may become difficult at some point (starting, say, a half hour ago?) to NOT write a bunch of nice things about Miss Ginny. Because she’s great, and she’s kind of a large part of what’s been happening in my life lately. But I promise I’ll do my best to not sound disrespectful, and I will do my best to avoid sappiness.

Truth, humour, oft-overlooked details, and the rare poetic moment.
That’s what we’re about here at Stir-Fried. Except for the times where that’s not at all what we’re about.

And here’s this rad Aqueduct video. Because I miss this band. And I’ve been obsessively listening again these past few weeks. Enjoy:


About R. Spacely

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19 Responses to Ballerina tights around my head in a samurai pose on the bed.

  1. missyummyface says:

    I don’t think you have any reason to feel badly about what you have written… I’d be pretty pleased if a guy wrote any of that about me, you have been very complementary!

    I will say though, it sounds like you’ll fall in love with her..sometimes, you can’t help it.

    • Rob says:

      I can help it though. I’m really good at shutting down my emotional power grid. As of earlier this afternoon, this girl no longer has any control of my emotions. We will hang out like friends, and probably fuck like monkeys sometimes. If we later decide to pursue something else, I might be open to it. But for now, there’s zero percent chance of me falling in love anytime soon. Because I’m good like that. Safety first!

  2. Essie says:

    You know…it IS possible to fall in love in an utterly, mundane pointless way. Be happy as long as you can with this person. Im divorcing, tired…would really give anything to look up from my PC sometime and see someone that would genuinely make me smile, even if I can’t define the relationship. Good on you!

    • Rob says:

      Mmmm, sorry for your divorce. But I like being single. And I don’t like mundane. No, not at all. But yeah, you’re definitely right about the “shut up and just enjoy it” part. Thank you.

  3. risha; says:

    Not disrespectful at all.
    I think she might love this post a little.
    Your blog is honest in the best way. xx

  4. jaminicole says:

    I had something like this going on in February. Really great sex, lots of jokes and laughing, and cuddling. This guy made me feel really fucking awesome. There was this potential that I could fall for him, and fall really fucking hard.

    Then he got busy, or something. He stopped calling. He stopped responding to any kind of messages. I knew it had to end at some point – we’d made that clear from the beginning, that we weren’t looking for a relationship..but a flat end to things, without even so much as a “Hey, this was fun, but I think it’s over,” was kind of a slap in the face.

    So I feel a little snubbed. So my only advice is something like, Dude, if you end it, for the love of god say something. Unless you want to contribute to her perfectly executed meltdown.

    But damn. Now I miss those evenings in that tiny studio apartment downtown.

    Probably in part because this is the longest I’ve ever gone without sex. I know, I know. Not long at all. But still.

    • Rob says:

      Yeah, that sounds kinda shitty. To just stop without ever saying anything about it? A little weird.

      I never understand women who are all like, “oh boo-hoo, I haven’t gotten laid in so long.” You’re A FEMALE. And You’re HOT. It’s so disgustingly easy for you to get some ass. So, clearly, there’s another issue at work here. Like being too picky or having impossible standards. Yes?

      • jaminicole says:

        I’ve only slept with two people. The idea of going out and getting random ass is a little foreign and uncomfortable sounding. Plus, I don’t know anyone here. So I suppose it’s a combination of those factors and the ones you mentioned.

        • Rob says:

          Oh, I had no idea. Two people is not a lot of people. But if that February guy was a fairly casual thing and you found a good enough reason to sleep with him, surely you could do that again?

          And you’re in the Pacific Northwest. There are tons of decent humans up there to choose from.

      • risha; says:

        Uh no.
        Not in the Philippines. I have no standards whatsoever and it’s bloody difficult.

        • Rob says:

          I’m sorry, Risha. Outlook not so good for you.

          • Essie says:

            Hey I haven’t gotten laid in a year either, and I don’t have high standards. Anything with a Y chromosome will do! :P

            • Rob says:

              That said, I’ve read your blog. I think we could have many great debaucherous adventures together. Just saying…

              And I’ve got a Y chromosome. Maybe even two Y chromosomes…

              • Essie says:

                oooh…yeah…talk DNA to me, baby…mmmm…

                You had me “I read your blog”… but the chromosomes just sweeten the deal…

  5. Holly says:

    “Yes, I’m concerned that most of my readers seem to be women”

    Are you sure ? I’d think girls because you don’t seem very grown-up ?

  6. Holly says:

    The text doesn’t seem genuine (forgive me if it is, but I’m just not getting that vibe) and the music is mainstream mediocre.

    • Rob says:

      Don’t talk shit on Aqueduct just because you don’t like me. It’s pop music. Great pop music. It isn’t supposed to be anything other than catchy, and a little thought-provoking. And David Terry is probably the nicest dude alive, so don’t talk shit on his music.

      And who the fuck are you? And why do you still read my blog if you think I’m such a cock? You show up once a month to leave a series of aggro comments. Why bother?

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