And we can’t live if we’re too afraid to die.

It’s Friday and I am crazier than usual, I think. I am in a good mood: always leads to no good. I stopped in the liquor store next to work. To pick up a (very reasonably priced) fifth of Jim Beam. I was accosted by an semi-unattractive alcohol sample girl. She was dressed like a 20-yr-old Hollywood skank and had a shitload of make-up on… but I knew her dirty secret: She is old as fuck, and she hates herself for it. Anyway, free shots of Jagermeister at 6pm always work for me! So, I’m glad to have met her.

I got home to an empty house and enjoyed it for 15-20 minutes (wink wink).

Ate a ham sandwich without thinking of Mama Cass, not even once. Even though I did have a problem when I got to the bottom left area of the crust. I survived, obviously.

I told my aunt about my decision to get vasectomized and she said, “WHAAAAAT” and I was all like, “FUCK YEAH, I HATE SPERM” and she was like, “Well, okay. If that’s how you really feel. Weirdo” and I was all like, “FUCK YEAH, I HATE BABIES TOO!!!!” And the conversation ended there.

After my dinner, I was shown a video of my high school graduation. If I can get it on DVD (which is apparently the project that’s going on soon, converting all the old shit to DVDs, yep) and then onto the computer, I will post that shit here. Because it’s so epically awkward. I was even dorkier then than I am now. Which is… impossible. But yes. Anyway, this video was cut off to a bunch of other shit. Which included the birth of a child. At that point, my little cousin popped up and asked, “When are you gonna have a kid, Rob?” My reply was not “FUCK NO, I HATE BABIES AND SPERM!!!” I mildly said, “Never. Never. Never. NEVERRRRRRRR!!!” My aunt and I smirked at each other. I can’t wait till the doctors stick a knife in my junk! I can’t wait to fearlessly make a sticky sterile mess in every vagina I find myself inside of… for the rest of my odd little life.

Now I’m just hanging. I’ve got The Black Angels screaming in my headphones. I’ve got my very reasonably priced bottle of Jim Beam at my side. Full bottle of water for chasers. Phone on charge. Music is loud, so very loud (partly because my little cuz is in the next room singing bad show tunes at the top of his lungs). My plan, you ask? I’m going to drink myself into a trance. And then I am going to write the secrets I learn from the ghosts on the other side of the heavens. OR… I will just end up ranting about about Richard Gere’s hatred of cinema and/or Bob Seger’s quiet pedophilia. The night is young.

And in case you’re wondering about the whole drinking by myself thing at home in front of the computer? I LIVE for nights like this. I {pause for shot #1, while we’re at it} (yummy). Uhh… oh yeah! I think alcohol is great. And I’m not always a people person. I work with a lot of people. I’m kind and polite all day long, and genuinely so. I love people. But too much, and I need a break. I do not want to go out tonight, no, not at all. So. Here I be. And what’s even better is that no one reads my shitty blog on the weekends, so I can really do whatever I want. As if I don’t do whatever I want the other six evenings every week. But. yeah.

Strange, pathetic, problematic, alcoholic, et cetera… these are the things that mnay people think about drinking by yourself at home. And FUCK YOU is my answer. I don’t care. I’m in Heaven right now. {#2 is in the hizzle} (and that was delizzle) So. Okay.

Maybe real quick I can post a couple of Black Angels songs? Another band that’s not new at all, but they’re so good when they’re loud. And REALLY good band to see live. Would you like that? A couple of good songs by the Black Angels? I think you’d like that. Here. Let me help.

The Black Angels – The First Vietnam War

The Black Angels – Black Grease

The Black Angels – Manipulation

See the rad Black Angels tour poster in the upper-left corner? That was my bedroom in Portland. Left behind because life is strange. That is me, yes. No, I've never had cancer.

So now you can listen to the things I am listening to. The things I love right now. The things that are so loud right now, they are making my ear drums feel like it’s Swedish massage time. YES.

Here is where I end this post. Only to begin another one in a little while. Lord knows what will happen… but I think it will smell very bad and probably leave a permanent stain on the collective unconscious.

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About R. Spacely

Bastard.
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