Okay, my beer is very wise.

So I’m drinking Magic Hat #9. It’s a “Not Quite Pale Ale,” or so says the bottle. Anyway, this is only my second time drinking Magic Hat beer on purpose. And I also drank it once not on purpose, years ago when I was dating a hippie that went to college in Upstate NY. ANYWAY.

I’m drinking these #9s because I had some Hefeweizens made by the same company. I guess they’re a microbrewery in Vermont or something. And, yeah, I’m trying to drink tastier beers in preparation for Portland (which is, indeed, home to many of the best microbrews in the world). PLUS, none of these douchers on Long Island sell Pabst. Like NOBODY. No fucking PBR anywhere, except for one shitty expensive place by my house. Yeah. Anyway. I’m drinking Magic Hat beers. They’re yummy, and they get me drunk.

OKAY, SO… I just found out that these beers have words on the insides of the bottle caps. Some of them are quite profound, some of them rhyme, all of them are kinda ‘tarded. But still!! I want to share. Because… well, because this is probably the only important discovery I will make tonight. So. Shut up. Here is some bottle-top wisdom for yr ear.

+ “Build a shrine to #9” So. This is obviously stupid, shamelss, self-aggrandizing promotional doo-doo. But whatever.

+ “We corn in peas and mean no ham” This was the second one I found. I laughed, only because I know this MUST have come from the minds of white people that live in Vermont.

+ “You get what you give, so remember to live” Is this a paradox? Is this deeper than it sounds? The answer is no. It’s hippy bullshit that somebody wrote down on a piece of tree bark the last time they went to Burning Man.

+ “sing and rejoice” Okay. Win. Call me cheesy, because I really am, but this is my favorite. If I left the house everyday and saw signs all over the world that said “sing and rejoice,” I would be the happiest guy in the world. Really, I’m being serious.

+ “Peel off your skin to see we’re all kin” See, this one I like too. Yes, more hippie bullshit, but at least this one…. okay, fine. No excuses. It is hippy bullshit, but I LIKE IT, SO FUCK OFF!!

Okay. I just wanted to share. At least my beer makes me think a little. What has YOUR beer done for YOU lately???


About R. Spacely

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8 Responses to Okay, my beer is very wise.

  1. Actually Widmer (made in portland) has “toasts” on the inside of the bottle caps. My two favorites (which I’ve kept) are
    “To Flux Capacitors”
    “To Taking One For The Team”
    Awesome!! … AND wise :)

    • Rob says:

      I do love some of the Widmers. I hadn’t realised they, too, contained wise ideas under the caps. I’ll keep an eye out once I get back to PDX.

  2. jaminicole says:

    Mmmmm NW beer. Sunday I went to the Mac and Jacks brewery up in Redmond. I now have a giant jug of African Amber, and it is the happiest thing ever.

  3. Rob says:

    I want some. U.S. Postal Service???

    I don’t even know what Mac and Jakcs is, nor have I ever heard of African Amber, Sounds yummy though…

    • jaminicole says:

      This is a travesty, sir.

      When you move to Portland, be sure to have a sample. They don’t bottle, so you can only get it at bars in Washington, Oregon, and Idaho — thus, why I had to bring it home in a big jug. It’s awesome though – one of my favorite.

  4. The “peel off your skin one” came off as a little too “Silence of the Lambs” for me.

    Anyway, found your blog from another blog who found my blog from someone elses blog who found that blog from Oprah.

    The internet is a tangled web, but Oprah is the spider spinning it. Believe it.

    • Rob says:

      Good to know that I’m closer to Oprah than I had previously imagined. That hoagy-eating bastard doesn’t know it yet, but I’m going to steal her identity and someday be the richest black woman in all the world.

      I’m glad you found my blog. I like the title of yours, I’ll go check it out in a bit.

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