I’m an alligator.

I got a creepy email today:

Hello Dear
My name is Grace i saw your profile today at (20sb.net) and became intrested in you,i will also like to know you the more,and i want you to send an email to my email address so i can give you my picture for you to know whom i am.
Here is my email address (gracekoneh@live.com)I believe we can move from here!
I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.
I love you
Miss Grace.

Although there were also some darling little roses embedded in this email message, I’m just not sure this is for real. Somehow, this reeks of “Hello, I am the king of a small country outside of The United Arab Emirates. I just want to say that you won our national lottery. Just send me your bank account information, and you will receive 600 Trillion Dollars.”

Also, one time, when I was maybe 12, and VERY fucking ugly and awkward, some girl came up to me in the school library. She said, “You’re really cute. I like you. My name is M____ N_____. We should go out. Just remember, my name is M____. M____ N_____.” Turned out, this girl’s name was Angela Apgar. M____ N___ was a dork, I guess, in Angela’s world (I never really knew either of the two). So miss Angela thought it would be funny to make me think that this dork lady had a crush on me. Probably because I was fucking ugly and awkward. So. Yeah, I don’t know. [UPDATE: Yes, I don’t do this often, but I’ve censored names. To protect the innocent. But the guilty parties… well, they can fend for themselves, yeah?]</

Basically, I'm suspicious. I have a funny feeling that this "Grace" person is actually not my soulmate at all, and rather… some sort of dirty trick. But. Funny shit, nonetheless.

Feel free to send her hatemail.


In other news. Well, no, this is totally related. I just wanted an excuse to have 53 of those little crosses separate my things. Yeah. That kind of day.

Anyway. If I ever find someone who says she really loves me… I’m gonna punch her right in the face. Unless she gets almost-naked and sings me this Bowie song:

That’s a true story. Right in the face. RIGHT IN THE SPACEFACE!!

Also worth noting: That girl in the video, about a minute in? Yeah. SHE was probably my soulmate. But she’s probably also dead by now. I blame the LSD. For everything. But yes. One minute into this video, there she be. I love her. Forever and ever.


About R. Spacely

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to I’m an alligator.

  1. greentigress says:

    Funniest post yet!
    “Feel free to send her hatemail.” Did I laugh!
    ps, youtube let me watch on this one.

  2. Heather says:

    Oh, that was me. Sorry.

    Ha. Not really. But that was really funny. I actually laughed out loud. For once. I guess I’ll stop trying to convince you that I love you, I don’t want to be punched in the face. ;) Haha.

  3. krystal says:

    listen – please write her back and act interested back??? wait, is that mean? probably not – it would be funnyyyy!

    • Rob says:

      I just wrote her back:

      “Hello, lover!

      Please do send me pictures. You seem very nice from your last email. I’d like to meet you someday, maybe? Please tell me more about yourself.

      Truly yours,

      I think I am gonna have fun with this. Because I deserve it.

  4. krystal says:

    oh gosh, the more i think about it the funnier it even gets!

  5. janet says:

    oh my god. i got that SAME email!!! weeeeeird.

  6. Essie says:

    I got the same email! Grace is a two-timing whore!

  7. Pingback: I’ve got blood on my neck from success. | The Stir-Fried Dinosaur

Say something brilliant.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s