Dude. I have to talk about this, because blogging is therapeutic and all of that. And I’m in need of some healing. Uhh… so I’m just gonna say it.
I have been craving cocaine like CRAZY lately!! Oh my god. Every day, I’m thinking about it, for like… 4 days now. Haven’t snorted any cocaine in maybe 2 and a half years? 3 years possibly? Last time, I was at work. At a night club. And I found a bag of cocaine in a bathroom on a sink. I opened the bag, tasted it. Tasted like really delicious cocaine. So I snorted it all up, later in the day, and went to see a show. I forget who was playing. But I was with a friend. She was tall, with a birdlike neck. She was beautiful. And we danced. We smiled at each other, smiled at anyone else who was looking. And we danced. It was perfect.
That was the last time. The time before that, I spent with another friend that was beautiful. We just talked, and sat close to each other. It was perfect.
But now, I’m wanting to go crazy on cocaine with a pretty girl, or maybe even a group of kind people. I want to carve lines on a glass table in a livingroom, and open my eyes so wide that I have to be careful not to let one slip out of its socket. I want to talk and smoke all night. And that feeling. All night smoking and talking. And doing lines off of this antique table, and talking about its possible histories. And smiling without worrying. And that feeling. And going into a bedroom with a pretty girl that I am now fully connected to, and kissing and fucking ourselves into oblivion. We rejoin the group later, hugs/joyous reunion. More talking. Sharing the sounds of all the best records, the ones that have changed our lives, letting them change our lives again. And then in the morning, there will be a jug of cheap red wine and a handful of spliffs, to help us all go to sleep. Sleep without the drip, sleep without the chattering teeth, sleep without the tension. And that feeling.
I really do. Miss cocaine. And no, I disagree that it’s a highly addictive drug. Maybe, if you’re an asshole. But no. Seriously. What’s wrong with having a beautiful night of cocaine and human intimacy once every couple of years?
I think, when I move back to Oregon, I will arrange this. Yes. Indeed. This night will happen.