Fuck you, stupid horse cops.

I’ve been thinking about New Orleans lately, obviously. But I just remembered something that I want to quickly write down, before I forget again.

One of my last nights in New Orleans, right before I skedaddled out to Los Angeles, I got in trouble. Me and a couple of people got really drunk in the Quarter and we were just walking around talking to people. We sat down in Jackson Square to listen to some other folks playing guitars. I was drunk, and as per usual, (my beer-drunk bladder is the size of a shotglass) I had to piss. So I took a piss on the Saint Louis Cathedral. Not because I’m a big bad Satanist. But. I mean. I had to piss. I was going to piss, regardless. So I figured it’d be best not to do it in my pants. And that church just happened to be standing there, so I used one of its doors as a urinal.

The door in question is the one to the left side of this picture. It's not even a very nice door. Just sayin'... you don't need to be angry with me about any of this. Wasn't even a good, important door.

As I’m pissing, I turn around and it’s two Howdy-Doody-looking fuckfaces on horseback, wearing helmets and badges and guns and shit. They told me I was going to jail. But when then they called it in, I guess it turns out there was some big fire down at Iberville and Dauphine? Apparently it was a massive fire, because these obviously-Christian shitheads just gave me a citation, and told me I “best be respectin’ the Lord when you down here in N’awlins.” I was drunk, and had a bench warrant in New York for something stupid, so I naturally agreed to their faces. But when they left, I ripped up the ticket, threw it down on the same steps of the same Cathedral, and finished taking my piss. I never paid it, but I assume it’s not a big deal, right? I mean, I don’t think I can get in trouble for this old ticket if I were to get pulled over down there again… I think. Right?

Whatever. This turned out to be another fun night of barely remembering anything at all. I think this little confrontation convinced me to write a song about Nietzsche and his run-in with a particularly sad horse.

Okay. That is all. I’m going now. I’ll probably take the rest of the weekend off. Have fun, all. Safety first!!


About R. Spacely

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2 Responses to Fuck you, stupid horse cops.

  1. Molly says:

    If I recall, I drove you to the bus station the day you left. Right?

    • To be honest, I really don’t remember. You’re probably right. I mean, if you say so, then I believe it. But I was pretty cooked at that point. Couldn’t wait to hightail it the fuck out of there. I do remember putting on Blood Sugar Sex Magik on my walkman on the bus, and crying with hopeful eyeballs and a terrified heart as the bus got on the highway. I’m just saying… I was an emotional wreck at the time. I didn’t even remember the pissing ticket until last night… it just came to me.

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