Help me find my proper place…

OH!! And this happened at work too. This conversation between my new manager and I. I’ll paraphrase…

Keep in mind, my boss is Cuban and doesn’t speak English very well at all, despite being the produce manager. And this all started when he was telling me about how I was doing a good job at something, but I should work on being quicker at it.

Me: Well, I’m slow with the knife because I’m a musician and I need all my fingers to stay on my hands.

Boss: Oh, you a musician? What kind of music you play?

Me: Uhh… I guess it’s–

Boss: You play guitar?

Me: Yeah, I play pretty much anything.

Boss: That’s good, that’s good… you play in a band in the church?

Me: Did you just ask me if I play in a church band?

Boss: Yes, I was talking to Devin, he plays in the church.

Me: Oh, right, he’s a drummer or something, yeah?

Boss: Yes and he play in the church band and stuff.

Me: Yeah, I don’t really go to church much…

Boss: Oh, you should go. It can change your life. The Bible is good, man.

Me: Yeah, I don’t really believe in any of that stuff….

Boss: Take Jesus into your life, man. It’ll make everything better for you.

Me: Uhh…

Boss: It totally change everything for me, man. I just saying, man, you could have a great life…

Me: Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks.

He kind of went on for another minute or two while I just stood there going, “uh huh. yeah. mm hmm. okay. yep. sure.” I think he finally got the hint though. He eventually stopped mid-sentence, and kind of just walked away, muttering, “Okay, man. Just letting you know. Jesus is the way, man…”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that my version of God is probably just some massive cosmic force that cares not about gay marriage or abortion or the death penalty. I didn’t want to laugh at him, or tell him that I don’t believe in “sin” in general. I didn’t want to tell him that I think Heaven/Hell is just a concept used by Powerful Folks to make us all fall in line and behave…

What the fuck. I was really uncomfortable with the whole thing. I kinda want to call the union on him. Or sue the company for spiritual harrassment. Can I do that?


About R. Spacely

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4 Responses to Help me find my proper place…

  1. janet says:

    hahahaha. Jesus is the way, man!

    That would make me uncomfortable for sure.

    My version of god is something else too..

    The way you laid out the conversation is hilarious though!! Church band!?!?? WTF.

    Degrading! lol

    • He didn’t even let me tell him that I like to make “psychedelic folk music for hilarious sinners,” which, all jokes aside, is pretty much what I do.

      Church band, my balls.

  2. Jeffrey says:

    I totally hear the voice of the mexicans in South Park speaking for your boss… “Is so saaaad.”

    • When I was at work today, after reading this comment, I had a really hard time not cracking up everytime my boss opened his mouth. Made my day go a little faster, so I thank you!

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