Note #37,495,801. To future self.

Dear Rob,

In the future, take a fucking shower. Every single time you are going out with a lady, just do it, take a fucking shower. I know, maybe you worked later than you wanted to, and I’m sure you have a right to be exhausted. But. If you take a short nap instead of a shower, you may regret it. Even if you think it’s just a friendly thing, and there’s no chance of dicks and pussies coming out, keep in mind that you may very well end up on the receiving end of a blowjob at some point. And. AND!! You don’t want to give a lady a bad first impression of you penis/balls. Do you want anyone to have good reason to mistake you for one of those stink-cocked fellows? No. And this could also end up making you feel self-conscious the whole time, and make the whole blowjob experience less enjoyable than it deserves to be. I’m telling you this out of love, I swear. Just… take a fucking shower. Okay, asshole?


P.S. – On occasions like the one mentioned above, it’s also probably not a great idea to wear a pair of boxer shorts that has a massive worn-out hole in the junk area. Just saying. think these things through a little more. Sometimes things happen when you least expect them to happen. Be prepared. Safety first.


About R. Spacely

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8 Responses to Note #37,495,801. To future self.

  1. janet says:

    you’re effin hilarious!!!!

    i’ve been there though. i opted out of a shower when i TOTALLY should have. and i didn’t even shave either. ugh. and yeah.. things happened. and bleh. but it was ok, i guess. he didn’t seem to mind. it was growing out, anyway. not full fledged hairball. not that asians have a lot of hair. they don’t. thank god.

    • Women generally smell better than men. I’ve noticed. I’m just saying, you’d probably have to try pretty fucking hard to be as smelly as me after a long day at work, no shower, and then a night of heavy drinking.

      And yeah. I wouldn’t have minded either. You know.

  2. Essie says:

    Yeah…This inspired me to leave a note for future Essie to shave her legs EVERY day.

  3. Sara says:

    Dude, there is NO WAY the blow jay train would be in town if I was out with someone who worked allllll day and didn’t get his shower on.

    You should ALWAYS be prepared, Rob. You really never know when the opportunity to get a blow jay might arise.

    • Yeah, but I REALLY didn’t think it was gonna happen. Like NO CHANCE at all. I had already been out with the girl 3 times and we hadn’t even made out or anything. It’s not my fault. I hope she doesn’t completely hate my cock now. God. How do I rectify this situation?

  4. Orion says:

    So this is why my mother told me to always have clean underwear.

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