Bees in her breath.

First of all, the following video is the last thing I saw before I went to sleep last night. It was on PBS at 2 in the morning. It scared me and it excited me and it made me feel like a robot. And I wasn’t sure if it was real or not, probably because my TV is pretty small. But I was really confused. Had someone actually made a machine that can do this?? And then I started thinking that I want to build one of these. And then I thought that this will definitely be an everyday household item for everyone, soon enough, in the weird future that’s coming. So. Watch this video. The music isn’t earth-shattering by any means, but it’s still fun to watch. Especially if you have the heart of a scientist beating within you. Okay!

So that was that.

And then today was weird too.

Gregorio is a guy I work with. He’s a 67-year-old 4-foot-9 Peruvian man. He is a black-haired Oompa Loompa. Everyday I get to work, he salutes me with a “ROOOOBERT! Oh, ROOOBERT is here! Hahaha… Hi Robert!” Keep in mind, the thick Peruvian accent, the rolling of the R’s in my name. It’s amazing, and I can’t help but smile everytime I see this guy. He’s also hilarious because he has selective comprehension. I mean, he understands English pretty much fine, but many times he acts like he doesn’t, for the sake of getting out of doing something he’s not into. He also has a habit of saying “YES YES, OKAY, I FIX,” to the boss… with no intention of actually doing what he’s been asked to fix. I love Gregorio.

Today, I’m at work for an hour. Just poking around, keeping busy without doing much work. I walk out of the freezer and into the backroom, going towards the sales floor (where all the fruit and shit is at, dig?). As I approach, Gregorio is at a table fixing some flowers (he makes up the entirety of out “floral department,” just so you know). He’s standing there trimming stems, laughing to himself, going “fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky!” I say, “Greg, are you okay?” His reply is, “Oh yes, of course Robert! Hahahaha! Fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky fucky…” I walk out of the backroom scratching my head and laughing quietly.

And then, maybe another hour later, I really messed up bad. I still can’t believe this tiny conversation actually took place. It was one of those things where I was watching the words come out of my mouth, wishing I could scoop them up with a net before they ever hit anyone else’s ears.

Extremely pretty girl walks in to the produce department while I’m filling up the apples section. She walks around for a minute. I try my best not to get caught staring at her. She approaches me.

Her: “Are those little ones the only watermelons you have left?”

Me: Stunned, and thinking about fucking her (sorry, can’t help it). “Ummm. Which?”

Her: “These ones over here?” She points.

Me: “Holy shit.”

Her: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I just. I got distracted. Umm.”

Her: Smiles, laughs slightly. “Is everything okay? Haha…”

Me: “I just… I can’t believe some people are lucky enough to have sex with you.” Oh my FUCKING GOD, I didn’t just say that. I COULD NOT have just said that.

Her: Blushing, not at all phased by my comment. “Aww, that’s sweet. Haha. But most people aren’t so lucky.”

Me: “Dude, I can’t believe that just came out of my mouth. I’m so sorry. Watermelon season is over. That’s all we have left. Sorry.”

Her: “Ahh… okay. Thanks anyway.” Starts walking away, turns back to catch me checking out the back of her. She catches me. She smile, laughs, walks away.

THIS was simultaneously the worst and the best interaction I’ve ever had with a customer at any of my jobs in all my years of working. I think I was really fucking lucky that this chick was cool because I’m pretty sure this comment would have gotten me fired and/or slapped if I said it to most other people.

So. Holy shit. Weird days.

That is all for now.

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About R. Spacely

Bastard.
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2 Responses to Bees in her breath.

  1. Tom says:

    That video is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in a long time. In a good way though. It really reminds me of something but I can’t put my finger on it.

    Good job with the girl who wanted watermelons. Maybe that’s the secret, the way forward, just telling people you want to bone them rather than pretending anything else, it was probably refreshing for her. Of course I’m pretty sure that could also get you arrested.

  2. Sarah Elizabeth says:

    That’s funny. If you were to say something like that to me, I probably would have just laughed and said, ‘Uh, come again?’ I’m one to say shit I shouldn’t say. Like with this whole Mark thing. I actually told his 2 year old neice while I was on the phone with him that ‘Uncle Mark doesn’t love Sarah anymore,’ to which she repsonded, ‘But why?’ and I asked Mark and Mark was just furious with me. Absolutely furious. But anywho. I guess I can’t worry about saying the wrong thing to him anytime soon. I’ve done fucked up everything.

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