Well, it’s been a while again, hasn’t it? I am sorry for that, more than you know. In a conversation yesterday or the day before, I was explaining to someone how therapeutic this blog was for me, for quite a while, anyway. And since I arrived back in Portland at the end of October, I’ve completely fallen off.
There will be no promises here, despite my urges, I will not say anything about how I am going to make a point of writing more. I’ve done that before, and that was bullshit. But. I’m here now, writing to you. And maybe I’ll be here, writing to you again, real soon. Who knows?
So. Interesting developments? I’ve recently had a bit of a mini-breakdown. No crazy shit this time, which is good, but… well, let me explain. For a while, I was growing into myself way more than I ever had. My momentum was… momentous. But. I got back to Portland and dove in head-first, into a serious relationship with a lovely lady. Well, I shouldn’t have to say this to the readers of my innermost thoughts but… I have NO FUCKING BUSINESS WHATSOEVER being in any sort of relationship. Not now, not any time soon.
And this means that I broke up with my girlfriend ten days ago. So far, it’s been difficult because I really do enjoy her and miss her. But. Well, whatever. It is what it is.
MY POINT IS that I’m here. I’ve finally arrived in Portland. I am a young man, a strange and brilliant young man, a single and horny young man, a young man that needs to regain a little fucking sense of self before everything explodes in my face again.
No more are the days of nervous breakdowns that send me into a suicidal fog. Nope. I’m good. The breaking-up part was hard, and some of the time has been hard, but I am assuming that everything is uphill from here. Right, Pee-Wee? RIGHT, PEE-WEE??
Okay. So I’m at the library. In Portland, yes. The Hollywood library on Tillamook. The computers here are kind of nice. And there aren’t any heavy-breathing retards at the computers next to me. I’ve got on The Arcade Fire in my headphones, shitty headphones that soon need replacing.
Saturday. And I’m in the middle of 4 straight days off of work. And the big thing with the girl I broke up with? The thing is, for my first two and a half months back here, I spent ZERO time trying to meet new friends and stuff. So that’s what I’m hoping to do now. But how? I’m weird. And it’s not easy to walk up to people and start friendships. Not easy for me, anyway.
I think what happens after the library here is a trip to the art supply store to buy some shit. I’m thinking a sketchbook, and maybe a cheap set of charcoals. And then maybe some random odds-and-ends, for… you know, making stuff maybe?
All of this being said, I’ve been really happily enjoying Portland. In my 3 months back, I’ve explored the city about as much as I did during my first 3-year-stay here. Crazy, huh? Bunch of new favorite bars and eats and random stores and coffees. Yes.
The library only gives an hour-per-day for internet use. And I’d like to use the rest of my time today to do some googling. Terms along the lines of: “How weird people make friends,” et cetera.
But yes. This. This little entry? It’s here now. For you to read. If you want.